Along the way; I learn new life skills too. Particularly; how to NOT be a meddling Mom.
I have three beautiful, talented children. Through their school years they've played softball, basketball, soccer, baseball and football. They've been to dances and youth group activities, week-long wilderness hikes; trips to Washington and Costa Rica. They have competed in science fairs; walk-a-thons. They've been in Girls Scouts, Royal Rangers - etc., etc., etc. Through all of these challenges I feel like I've been a - facilitator. A Mom. I couldn't coach them - because I didn't know anything about these subjects. I couldn't push them to improve on a particular muscle memory exercise; or set a specific goal on a specific drill. No. I fed them good meals; set aside time for homework; got them to bed on time; comforted them during illness and hurt feelings. But I couldn't step in and tell them what to do - and it turns out; that's a good thing.
Do you know why? Because it's important for them to find their OWN motivation. It's important for them to know whether it was worth the effort; do the research; set the date - make the commitment.
But - with horses it's a whole new experience for me. You see - I've loved horses since . . . since . . . um. Well it's such an early memory, I can't remember where it started. I always KNEW I'd be a happy wife and Mom.
I always DREAMED that horses would frolic in my back yard.
So - when my second child began to show a real interest in horses - I was more than happy to accommodate. I had my own horse for awhile while the children were smaller; but it was difficult to fit it in comfortably; because my husband had no interest. I struggled to juggle the thing. But when one of my kids wanted it too - well; it made the struggle even more worth it. On came the horseback riding lessons; the new horse quiet enough to be a "family horse"; the board bill, the shoeing bill, the vet bill, the constant trips to Petsmart to buy all those fun horsey sundries I ran my little hands over when I was small. I remember buying a small plastic carrying tray and filling it with one brush, one curry and one hoof pick - and I didn't even have a horse to use it on!!! At age 11 - I dreamed of being in a horse show. At my daughter's age 11; we began lessons. Then we signed up for a 4H horse project; and it was the HORSE SHOWS. OH JOY!!!
I have always loved to watch my children in all their sporting events. I have had moments of inexpressible joy sitting on the sidelines and cheering them along. I have loved (well - most of the time) watching my husband coach them through at least four kinds of team sports for the last 12 years.
With the horseshows - I got to be the coach and the judge, motivator, financier, groom, exerciser, costumer, date organizer, horse transporter, and MOM. What on earth could possibly be better? Really! What could be better?
UNTIL
Well - I began to realize my daughter was hanging on to me for motivation. Of course; I can't leave out the money involved. Lots of it. I hemorrhaged money. Money I earned working my own job; but money that was not contributing to the general family budget and expenses my husband strongly resented because all his earnings went for the family.
As a Christian mother; I was convicted that I was setting up idols before my daughter's eyes.
The truck payment, trailer payment, lessons, board, vet bills, etc. etc. etc. was costing easily $1200 month.
We're not rich people. I worked full time and almost all of it went to our horsey habit.
THIS HAD TO STOP
It hurt really bad; but I had to sell it all. The truck got traded in for an economy car. The trailer was sold. The horse was sold to the ranch. Instant financial relief.
My daughter's interest in horses floundered. It broke my heart.
Well - God is good. I was obedient to God and guess what? He provided. Alice was able to continue to be involved with horses at the Kenner Ranch. And now - because of their commitment - Alice is riding still. More important - she's learning valuable life lessons and so am I.
So - now how do I help with her skills and success? I leave her alone and let her figure it out. I facilitate. She has to find her own motivation. It has to be HER dream - not mine. I'm happy to help; but I can't provide.
Do you know how hard it was to NOT give my daughter advise at this last show? At a 4H show a horse/rider team is disqualified if an adult is caught coaching from the sidelines. WOW. They knew what they were doing when they made that rule. That is a difficult thing for a horse-show Mom to do. I had to literally sit on my hands and bite my tongue.
I had to sit in the bleachers and just cheer her on. What a blessing; to just be - MOM.
